Friday, November 30, 2007

The Ninka Interview

Ah, that minefield of stupidity that Mary is going to have to live down for the rest of her royal life. This was an hours-long interview that Mary gave during the engagement, and which has become an irresistible buffet, a veritable cornucopia of quotations that show just how important Mary tried to sound, how elegant she attempted to be, and how miserably she failed. What comes through, especially now, years after her babbling idiocy, is a self-importance dripping in naivete. That would be HER naivete in thinking that we, the thinking part of her audience, would believe this shit, and in not realizing that she set herself up for lots and lots of delicious, chocolate-covered failure.

Without further ado, I give you a few chosen snippets. Unplug the phone. Turn your Blackberry to vibrate. Grab a glass of wine, a cup of tea, or a bottle of water, and enjoy.

I knew that work should not fill my entire life.
Well, let’s not kid anyone here, Mary darling, because your job record shows that CLEARLY work has never filled your entire life. According to your own website,, after university, you worked for:
DDB Needham in Melbourne
MOJO Partners, also in Melbourne.
Rapp Collins Worldwide of Edinburgh (3 month contract) while traveling after death of Henrietta.
Returned to Australia in the beginning of 1999
Young and Rubicam, in Sydney.
Belle Property.
In the first half of 2002, taught English at a Business English School in Paris
Later in 2002 moved to Denmark and was employed by Microsoft Business Solutions/Navision

So that’s more than a half dozen jobs in just as many years? Yes, Mary, I agree that work definitely didn’t fill your entire life.

It would have been horrible, if I had been in the spotlight and next day just had to be myself again.
I’m sure, Mary, I mean, once you got a taste of being in the papers for doing nothing other than Frederik, it would have been tough to get back to your commoner life. Good thing it didn’t happen, isn’t it?

The more you are in the spotlight, the more difficult it is withdraw from it.
As you now well know and I am sure you’ll put up with a LOT just to stay in the spotlight.

I have always hated to be photographed.
Isn’t this the grand quote from Mary given my recent post about her addiction to photo shoots? I have to say that this and the “experienced experience” quote from Starmakers are my top two favorites. Here's another pic. I have a billion like it, of Mary looking for the camera.

For the first three and a half month after we had met, after Queen Ingrid died, we didn't see each other.
Could that be because Frederik was still dating someone else? According to all the timelines out there – except the ones of fangirls who could never accept Their Mary was the Other Woman – Frederik was still dating Bettina Odum when he met Mary, and for a few months after he met her. So yeah, boys and girls, Mary was the Other Woman, which nobody can deny.

I have never been interested in being in the front pages of the media. I'm not a "public" kind of person.
Is that why you posed with a z-list celebrity, Sarah O’Hare? Is that why you appeared on an advert for your company? Liar, liar, mismatched pants on fire!!!

I didn't move to Denmark until August 2002, when I moved into an apartment at Langelinie in September and started a new job. I had met one of Frederik's friends, who was a business man in Denmark. He introduced me to Navision. They needed some employees, it was a big company, English speaking, and I could use my experience in project management. Naturally my professional background was the most important asset for them. But they offered me the kind of flexibility I wanted.
Yep, the flexibility to not go to work whenever you wanted!!! Which was often, as people in Navision have said you were barely there. That’s called dedication, my lass, not to work, but to snaring Frederik!!! And the apartment, cost what, 5K a month? With weekly orchid deliveries. Did you set up those deliveries, Mary? And just billed Freddy? How lovely.
How important you are pretending to be, Mary, if your experience was really needed, why were you never at work? Accept it, sweetie, this was a Booty Call job set up by your boyfriend’s friend to keep him happy.

The press wrote that right after I had met Frederik, I took a modeling course to feel more confident! There wasn't anything calculating by that. Fact is, when I started on that course I hadn't met him yet!
BULLSHIT!!! You took Starmakers after meeting Frederik, and if you had an ounce of integrity you would have admitted it and not made such a big deal out of denying it, but you have, and it’s going to haunt you for the rest of your life.

There were expectations in the press, that I could speak fluent Danish, but I couldn't.
And still can’t. Almost four years later, your Danish language skills are shameful, unlike Alexandra, who chose to integrate herself into her new culture. You should be ashamed of yourself, Mary.

And we know that we are a kind of role models for young people. We are seen as an ideal. This is something we discuss, very important.
An ideal what? Couple of lazy parasites?
That’s so cute that you spend time talking about how important you are! OMG, how adorable! Guess what? You’re not. Only to your fangirls who go out to buy dresses like yours, shoes like yours, and knit butt-ugly beanie caps like yours, but that doesn’t make them Followers, it makes them stupid.

If we are going to travel, we can't arrive like anybody else. We will be received by ambassadors, or whoever is appropriate. We cannot be discrete and reserved anymore. We have to announce when we arrive, go by the established protocol, and we have to travel in this formal way.
Can I throw up? Give me a break. When Frederik traveled to see his booty call in Australia he wasn’t received by no goddamn ambassador, ok? You don’t have to announce anything, but then that would mean no media, so you just go ahead and keep those PR people on speed dial, Mary, ok?

I work to prepare myself to my new job, and primarily learning Danish.
And so far, you have failed miserably, because when people can’t understand the shit that’s coming out of your mouth, it means you haven’t learned Danish, yet, you moron.

I have done serious thinking about my new jobs. I have considered many things. Nothing has yet been settled but I have expressed my interest for what I find really exciting and stimulating.
And guess what that is??? Oh Mary, god bless you, you little Pavlov bitch you, stimulated by clothes and shoes.

5 days a week I have Danish lessons or Danish conversation for three hours.
If I spent that much time learning a language and had your skill level, I’d go home. Go home, Mary, to Tasmania. It’s all in English there.

It's important to me to master the language. If you live in a country which has another language than your own, then it's your duty to learn that language, if you want to be a part of that country.
BULLSHIT AGAIN!!! It’s not important to you at all. Not as important as spending money, which you have become really good at, Mary. I call you out as a liar who doesn’t give a shit about integrating herself into her new culture. Not only that, but your daddy and stepmother didn’t bother to learn the language, even though they got jobs and a free apartment in Denmark. Not to mention your pappy's new teeth.

More than anything I have to be the best partner for Frederik.-
You are not. He is worse than ever, even worse than during his early 20s crisis of depression which sent all the palace gray men into a permanent watch. Now he’s almost twice that age and the woman he married is so self obsessed that she barely has time to deal with a husband who is incredibly unhappy and slipping down a very slippery slope.

At some point I'll hope to be recognized as my own person, not just as the partner of Frederik.
Believe me, you are. The “Australian Golddigger” as you have been called by the Danish Media. The Nordic Imelda Marcos. No worries there, mate, people know who you are.

Marriage has to be fun, too. There must be humor and laughter ...
Oh yeah. Because Frederik is smiling a lot with you lately. Riiiight. He smiled a lot when Victoria of Sweden visited. Hmmmmmmm.

The redecoration of our home is very time consuming. It's going to be spectacular. This may surprise some, but we are using quite strong colors on the walls
Time consuming for who? You? Are you doing it yourself? What the fuck? I don’t see your skinny white ass on a ladder, spraying wall texture up there.
And colors? Excuse me, because on those photos of Christian’s first birthday, it looked like the inside of a bowl of oatmeal. The all beige channel.

There's another wonderful aspect to our roles – the people we are able to meet!
But see here, Mary, that should mean you actually look at people when they talk to you, and sadly, you’re too busy looking for cameras.

I have learned not to judge myself too harshly.
That’s clear because you have absolutely no desire to better yourself, other than wearing more expensive clothes. You’ve accepted your mediocrity. I haven’t. I will continue judging you harshly until you stop being a waste of space and air.

I must believe in this, and that there must some reason why I'm here, my destiny.
Oh brother. Destiny. Whatever, Mary. Your destiny was brought about by the fact that Frederik is an idiot.

Frederik doesn't like me to say this, but he's a very lonely person, like we all are.
And you haven’t done a thing to help him. He shouldn’t be lonely, Mary, he should be reveling in his wife and kids. Being alone is one thing, being lonely is a terrible feeling, and you’re not doing anything about it. As long as he puts out the credit card, who cares, right? And frankly, why ARE you saying it if he doesn't want you to, isn't that selling him out for a bit of press? Respect him, Mary.

But the royals have to be smart, too. There has to be a warm, positive feeling about them. Not just doing things because they’ve always been done that way.
Exactly. Which is why you took your kid to the latest hunt, right? Because that’s “not just doing things because they’ve always been done that way.”

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
Mary's favorite poem, she said if she found someone who embodied that poem, then it was the person for her. I think she had a slightly different version of the poem:
I love thee to the depth and breath and height
Your bank account can reach, it better not get light.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

2007 Mother of the Year

And our award goes to . . .

Crown Princess Mary of Denmark!!!!

For sticking her nose in the air at the tender moment when she brings her firstborn home. Awwww. Isn't Mary the perfect picture of motherly love? Flipping her hair, posh in her coat to cover the newmom blubber, I know it brings tears to MY eyes.

For being the best mommy ever at not giving a shit about your kid's first experience at Legofuckingland. All Mommie Dearest has eyes for is the camera. Fuck your kid, I mean, who cares, right? Years down the line he'll remember how mom barely looked at him and he'll repeat the process with his own firstborn.

For not even bothering to attempt to comfort IsNOTabella at her christening. Do you hate your daughter that much for making you look fat in that nasty pink dress, Mary? Is that why you look like you wanted to bitchslap her and drop her on her head?

For not giving a shit about how your daughter looks at a PHOTO SHOOT, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! I mean, did you really have to cover her face with that ugly bonnet? Why not just put a paper bag on her already???

At the same stellar photo shoot, Lord it was wonderful seeing this in person, Mary, I tell you, we were laughing about you for days afterwards. Not only do you not give a shit about IsNOTabella, but you looked positively embarrassed by Christian. I mean, who wouldn't? He can barely grunt, he points on a good day, and yet you all walk around smiling like nothing is wrong with him. Time for a doctor visit, honey. But anyway, I digress, at least pretend you care about the kid. You can't fool HIM that's for sure, but you could have attempted to fool the public.

And finally - for now, the year's not over - for yapping a lot about raising her kids her own way and modernizing the monarchy, but doing nothing to ensure Christian has a chance at being somewhat normal. Mary, you self-serving bitch, I hope you dream of dead animals for the rest of the year. Let's face it, you have no integrity - you happily sell out your kids to this outdated institution that has made your freak of a husband a worthy successor of Christian VII just so you can get the lifestyly you always craved. You don't give a shit about them, when it comes to weighing their poor lives against what you can get out of marrying Frederik, you have no qualms about throwing Christian and Isabella to the wolves. Or should I say, the dead deer.

Shame on you, Mary.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Addicted to Photo Shoots

There is not another princess, or queen, or anyone of that sort who has had as many "official" photos taken as Mary. She is addicted to having her picture taken. If it were the DRF forcign her to do it then you'd see the other members of the family having as many photos taken, but it's not, it's all Mary.

Hardly a six-month span has gone by where Mary has not had new official photos released. And they all look the same, Mary looking glassy eyed into the camera, lips usually parted (I remember Marilyn Monroe advocated posing while gently blowing air through the lips to look sensual, not that Mary could do sensual if her life depended on it, she is as sexy as a fish) either with the semblance of a smile or, her favorite, a smirk, as if to say, "neener neener, LOOK AT ME!"

A pound of makeup is spackled onto the royal visage because, no matter how much famewhore skincare guru Ole Henriksen (very freaky looking himself) says that Mary has flawless skin and bla bla bla, it is clean Mary has a shitload of wrinkles and, if caught on a bad day, has a shitload of gray hairs as well. At least when Maxima of the Netherlands doesn't color her hair, the roots are black, with Mary they are silver.

These do not include official photos of the engagement, wedding, birth of children, or christenings - no, those are not enough for Mary - there must be more more more, ever more photos of this narcissistic woman who is in love with the image money and fame have created, and who doesn't realize there is nothing underneath that image.

Anyway - here, courtesy of royal photographers The Steens (Brogard & Evald), are many official photos, one just as boring and bland as the other - I guess The Steens HAVE captured Mary's essence, for she is boring and bland, a perfect canvas for the DRF to project their idea of a perfect princess, although 3 1/2 years after the wedding, Mary is known more for her spending and her heels than any substantive work. She is nothing but substance, just like these photos.

Mary's legacy will be one of a princess with a stick up her ass, never relaxed because she knows she is nothing, she is a waste of space and air, and she is always afraid that those around her, those who actually have interests other than clipping photo articles about themselves, will laugh her out of the palace because they see what a piece of nothing she is.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

And now what?

Despite what Mary fangirls tell you, the truth is, Mary has become someone Frederik tolerates, or, more often than not, plain out ignores.

The latest evidence is this appalling video of them at the Tennis Legends something or other - where Frederik ignores Mary throughout. It's actually kind of sad.

Just recently, at Isabella's christening, Frederik could barely muster a half-sober look at the camera when told to put his arm around Mary. She, of course, the ultimate poser, attempts to play the Madonna (mother of Jesus, not singer) and look lovingly at the daughter she ignored throughout the christening.

How about this one? I don't think you need to be a body language expert to read what's going on with these two.

Whether it is the fact that he got married because he felt he had to and she was there and was suitable enough, and now he doesn't give a shit about her, or whether he was truly in love with the Mary he met in Sydney, tan, chunky, allegedly "natural" - I say allegedly because Mary spent her whole life wanting to climb that ladder and be someone else other than a middle-class nobody, so the tales of her crashing Olympic parties to run into Frederik again and make sure no other bogan trash could secure him tell you that there was a lot of "calculated" in Mary's supposed naturalness, but I digress.

The Mary he met in Sydney has lost 2 or 3 stone and lightened about 4 or 5 skin tones and now wears designer knickers and Chanel bags instead of that lovely Nike sportsac she used to lug around as a "promising advertising executive" - MY ASS! People who are serious about their careers do not lug THIS crap at work.

But again, I digress.

Whether Frederik was merely dragged along this marriage by time running out, the death of his beloved grandmother Ingrid, and meeting someone he thought exotic, or whether he is now disillusioned by the Frankenstein he helped create, more often than not, photos will show you that he does not give a rat's skinny ass about the woman he married. Oh sure, I can dig up a few loving photos of them exchanging smiles but those are about 10% of the photos out there.

Most of the time, Frederik can't give a shit about Mary. He can't bother to hold her hand, even when standing next to her. She matters very little to him and it shows.

Many photos also show Frederik rather exasperated with his camera-whore wife, as if telling her, "come on Mary, they have your picture, time to go!" while she delays and delays so as to stay in front of the cameras as much as possible.

I wonder if Mary knew what kind of man Frederik was when she set her trap, I wonder if she cared. I wonder if even now it matters to her, weighed against the luxury and designer frocks and not having to do anything other than wipe her skinny white ass.

Have you now realized that the man who so tenderly cried as you walked up the aisle, cries at JUST ABOUT ANYTHING? It didn't mean anything, Mary, no matter how much your fangirls go on and on about how in love he was or how touching it was. He cries. He's worse than Bill Clinton, for God's sakes. And speaking of Clinton, Frederik thinks his little Lewinsky fling was no big deal. What do you think of that? Will it be "no big deal" to you when it's your turn?

Does it matter that even on a tour of New York, which has been deemed as a major failure as no one here gave a shit about you two, when you are supposed to represent Danish culture and be images of a loving couple, HE CAN'T BOTHER TO HOLD YOUR HAND???

There you are, all skinny and white as you always wished, in your designer frock and your order of the whatever under your nonexistent boob, on a red carpet and photographers everywhere - AND HE CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO HOLD YOUR HAND!!!

I have a feeling that you are really lonely, Mary, although you do not admit it to yourself. How sad is it that the closest people to you are people in your employ, like your ladies-in-waiting, and the wives of Frederik's friends, who, let's face it, are never going to be on YOUR side, sweetheart, no matter how many kids you have. I am sure they also smiled and giggled with all of Frederik's old flames, even the ones he would have given up the throne for if he actually had the balls to threaten to do so like Haakon of Norway. But he didn't, so he married you. I hope your place in history is enough, because even if you manage to have another kid, your marriage ain't quite what you thought, and when all is said and done, all the people surrounding you have loyalties, and none of those are to you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Enough with the nudity!!!

Having given plenty of evidence of Mary's complete lack of taste when getting dressed, I will now present evidence of the fallacies of following a fashion rule too closely, i.e. neutrals go with everything.

Our Mary seems to have developed a penchant (French pronunciation, please, in honor of Henrik and Marie) for wearing one particular nude colored cardigan. With everything. It's like the chicks from What Not to Wear visited Mary and just threw this rule at her and Mary now follows it without giving a second thought to it.

First of all, NO, MARY, NUDE DOES NOT GO WITH EVERYTHING! It's a clear example of Mary not knowing anything about fashion.

First, let's take this little number Mary wore to a hospital visit. First, the dress itself is atrocious. It's a sleeveless shift that accentuates her massive shoulders and upper arms and she shouldn't wear a print that bold. Someone like Rania of Jordan, who wears her clothes instead of letting her clothes wear her, might get away with it, and she has the right coloring, but pale milkmaidy Mary, no way. The cardigan is completely wrong for the dress. A navy colored cardigan might have been better in order to give background to the busy print, but that would take a couple of brain cells and we know all of Mary's are busy making sure she finds all the nearby cameras.

This, well, I don't even know where to begin. She wore this to a wedding, and while the whole thing isn't white, it's still a long flowy white skirt, which is rather tasteless and, shall I say, self-centered to wear to someone else's wedding. Again, Mary is doing well in hiding the sleeveless look that doesn't flatter her at all but she is doing so with the dreaded beige cardigan, which goes with absolutely nothing in this ensemble. The outfit has green, black, and white, and mary throws beige in the mix. Horrendous.

She does a variation on the theme here, throwing a cream and gold cape/shawl horror over a pale pink dress, which, by the way, is one of the ugliest things Mary has every worn.

Same with this, what is a cream and gold colored coat doing on top of a purple and lavender dress? Sadly, only Mary knows, and I seriously doubt that if I ask her she will tell me.

Nude colors are not kind to Mary. From her mushroom colored dress at the engagement interview, to the (again) mushroom gown she wore to a gala - when she forgot to shave and apply antiperspirant - to the many times she wears skintone cardigans and tops, this is just not a good look for her. It washes her out, whereas in more saturated hues she looks a lot better.

But, far be it from me to interfere, after all, if Mary were to have a brain, why, this little blog wouldn't exist, now would it?

Friday, November 9, 2007

We can make a bag out of it, dear

You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, even if it wears Prada. Because anyone with a speck of brain matter would begin with the most basic transformation, i.e. skin and hair. Sure, Mary is now white as the driven ho, but the color of her skin is not what matters so much as the state of her skin.

And so, gentle reader, here is the State of Mary’s Skin. In a word, dreadful. The constant lip pursing give her a very severe look and she may be skidding towards collagen and botox because of all that pursing.

There is are several spots that look reddened on her face and neck, which means either laser work/dermabrasion or this chick has atrocious skin, because for there to be these obvious spots with all that makeup she had caked on, it’s unbelievable.

Her neck is frightening, I have tried to make every face I possibly could and my neck never looks as bizarre as Mary’s.

Surely in her Starmakers course Mary was taught not to make exaggerated facial expressions that could make her neck look like a turkey's. Or maybe that was Part 2 of the course, which Our Mary never got to take. Boo-hoo.

Mary has also chosen to give her brown hair a reddish tint since she arrived in the public eye. All well and good, but the red makes her look a little sallow, as her natural skintone is not that of a redhead, and the worst part is, Mary sometimes delays the coloring, which means her abundance of grey hairs become exposed. Should I send her one of those touch-up pencils you can get at the drugstore for $2.99? Naaaaah.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Mary the sour faced snob

It is difficult to understand how a middle-class nobody like Mary Donaldson who couldn’t establish a career and who dressed like a low-rent prostitute could possibly turn her nose up so much that it’s become a recognizable habit of hers.

“Where’s Princess Mary?”
“Oh, it’s the one with her nose up in the air.”
“Wasn’t she just some cheap tart who never did anything grand until she met the idiot?”
“Yeah, but now she’s all posh, ain’t she? Gotta pretend she was born in them Pradas she loves so much.”

So, as you, gentle reader, can see, Mary has also transformed the degree to which her nose aims out of her face, from 90 degrees to the floor to somewhere in the 130s or so.

It all started quite early on. Sure she had caught the imbecile prince, Mary began walking around with a sour face and her nose up in the air back in Australia. Here is the first photo of Mary in the Danish press, and sho’nuff, we got the nose turned up.

As Mary realized she was being stalked by the media, the nose kept going higher, and the lips kept being pursed.

She's going to need botox from all the pursing - the reason I don't think she's had botox is that she has the worst crow's feet in history so it doesn't make sense she'd kill the lip nerves and not the eye nerver, ya ken?

Don't you just love the trashy pink flip flops? Where are those, Mare?

Did ya throw them in the trash along with yer granny's letters or do you keep them to wear them where your adoring fangirls can't see you?

This one is precious, isn't it? It's the first event Mary did after her wedding and isn't she "to the manner born" with that finger pointing and her nose high to prevent the stench of the unwashed masses to infect it?

Another tender moment ruined by Mary's poseur attitude.

Bringing their yellow son - I think they had him in honor of the Yellow Palace - home, and Mary is already looking down her nose at the poor little dumbikins. Maybe that's why he barely shows any signs of life when he's paraded out for photo-ops.

Even when dressed as a complete piece of trash, Mary already sticks her nose in the air because she is, of course, better than everyone else. Mary at this point could already see her future, full of designer clothes, jewels, and public adoration.

This is one of the latest nose-up events, the anniversary of the Dannebrog where Mary is gazing lovingly at her husband . . . by sticking up her nose at him.

Mary, really, I know the boy is a drunken fool but come on, he's the reason you can afford Prada, sweetie! Be nicer to him.

This is, of course, nothing but a sample of the arrogant, aloof snob that Mary has become. I wonder if her fangirls realize that if any of them went up to their wet-dream Princess, she would loko down her nose at them, too!