Wednesday, March 12, 2008

This week on the Bogan show

Freddy loses his wedding ring
Mary poses in combat gear . . . again
A new royal portrait is unveiled, to much, much acclaim

So, does this count as a "turning point" kind of week? Let's hope so, and let's hope that this week's news are just the beginning of The Incredibly Snobby Bogan's downfall.

Apparently, Prince Braindead lost his wedding ring while diving. Stories abound of Mary greatly saddened because this represented "their love" - ahem. Puh-leeze. You know she's about to pull a Diana and consult a psychic to see what this Really Means. Honey, I can tell you that for free. If he didn't care enough to take it off before diving - if that is, indeed, where he lost it - who can say how much it really means to him? Of course, he has a replacement one already, can't let him out without the reminder of his Worst Mistake Ever!

We are treated of this most awesome photograph of Mary The Fighting Princess, in full camo makeup - which is slightly less makeup than she wears daily - and STILL posing, her lips slightly parted and halfway to pursing.

What can I say? A bogan is a bogan is a bogan. And Mary will never stop being a bogan. Although that headgear is better than that awful purple hat she wore to the unveiling of her portrait. That thing needs to be burned, now.

Poor Caroline Heering should be given a raise for having to go along with this joke. And Per Thornit and Anja, aka, "The Most Useless Stylist in the World", need to be fired.

And now onto our next item:

Can you feel the veins on Mary's forehead swelling with righteous indignation? Can you hear her breathing . . . suddenly . . . stop upon seeing this glorious image? Can you feel her clenched man hands as she grabs the newspaper and throws it into the bin?

I can - and it's pretty!!!

Everything Mary has fought for, her carefully altered image, her stupidly gilded CV, her white skin, her new taste for Prada, everything she has done in the last 7 years is now GONE GONE GONE because this is the real Mary in that portrait. A vulgar chubbette who refuses to let go of her Aussie connections (i.e. Uggs) and despite her professed love of animals, uses them for decoration. I also love the depiction of Christian, looking as stupid as ever.

Here it is, Mary, your worst nightmare come to life. And you know what the worst part is?

That it was painted at all?
That it WON the prize?
That it has been printed in the Australian and Danish media?

The worst part is that people get it. They laugh at it, and you, because it is the real you. Underneath the fake accent you are still that girl, and you always will be.

Now go cry in your Foster's.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Another trip to the Bogan Homeworld

After the May nuptials of Prince Joachim and Marie Cavallier, after which will follow much attention on the new Princess of Denmark, and after much publicized confirmation that no one in America gives a shit about who Mary is, as seen by the complete lack of US media coverage of the disastrous trip to New York, our Bogan Princess is headed to the place where about seventeen people still give a shit about her - Tasmania!!!

I understand, I mean, that's seventeen more than in America - and I'm not talking about drooling fangirls, I'm talking about the media, press, magazines, TV, none of which give a flying fuck about this chest-rubbing gold digger turned Prada Princess.

After the Olympics in Beijing, where the Stuttering Fool will attempt to make a statement with his presence (well, he sure can't make it with words because the moron can't even talk) about his suitability for an IOC post, he will join Mary and the two Future Emotional Wrecks, a.k.a. Christian and IsNOTabella, who will leave China and its even-more-difficult-than-Danish language in order to have a Private Vacation in Australia.

Let's take a tour down memory lane and see what happened the last time this self-centered cow went to Tasmania, shall we?

Mary happily waving at the Australian media, her best friends in the world, because they report every burp and fart of hers.

Mary stood by the house's GLASS WALLS until a reporter came up and of course, Mary felt dutifully obliged to answer. God forbid she do something as rude as she did at the Melbourne Cup, when she was still the "girlfriend" - as I recall, a reporter asked her who made her dress and she said, "a Danish designer"; when asked which designer, she snapped, "just write it's a Danish designer, ok?" Filthy rude bitch, what a big fucking sense of entitlement she took on, didn't she?

Appeared decked out in her celeb-gear - full makeup, Marianne Dulong jewelry, huge attention-whore sunglasses, and celeb-accessory Christian - to go to Salamanca place, which had more people per square foot than anywhere else, so Mary was guaranteed tons of people whipping out their camera phones to take photos of the "Aussie Princess".

She checked out the stalls, making sure to take her time and let everyone tell anyone who hadn't heard, that "Our Mary" was doing shopping here!!!

Of course, the news was "leaked" on danish tabloids NOW, i.e. months before, because lord forbid Mary go anywhere without everyone being alerted. Many royals manage truly private vacations and while they do speak to the press like Mary & co. did at the zoo, they mean it when they travel privately. The press is not alerted, they do not pose in front of glass walls, and they do not go to the most crowded open air shopping area in the state.

With the Danish media being critical of Mary's spending, lack of Danish skills, and purpose, and more and more people in Australia being sick and tired of being force-fed stories about Mary, I look forward to this trip in August. I forecast lots of attention whoring opportunities and much bogan posing.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

You go, Mads!

It's proof - as if we needed any more proof, but hey, Mary keeps handing it to us, right? - that Mary blabbed a lot of bullshit in her early interviews that about modernizing the monarchy, as seen in one very telling episode just a few days ago.

While receiving Mads and Marie in the spirit of her Rare Diagnosis charity, it was revealed that Mary's staff had instructed the children as to how to behave in Her Regal Boganness's presence and to address her as Your Royal Highness.

What a fucking bitch. To have the balls to tell these kids, who have more dignity and grace in their little fingers than Mary will ever have draped in diamonds, that they need to address her a certain way, is not only arrogant but defies the whole "modernizing the monarchy" comment. I am sure the kids know she's a fucking Princess, did they really need to be told how to behave?

I find this latest stunt disgusting, and it brings back memories of the much-maligned but will-never-be-equaled Diana. Say what you will about her temperament, media whoring, etc. but Diana had a gift for people, making them at ease and concentrating on them as if nothing else existed, that this piece of shit Tassie sack of garbage never will.

Shame on you, Mary, shame on you for being such an insecure snob. Shame on you for demanding the privileges of your position, which should be gracefully ignored in the face of such poise and sweetness as being in the presence of these two children.

Thankfully, the litle boy, Mads, got his own when Mary asked him, of all fucking things this bitch could ask him, what he thought she looked like.

His response?


Yes, Mary, even a blind child can see that you are an ordinary woman. Draped in Prada you may be, but your faults are shouted to the world by your every move and every word.