Compare and contrast

You know those awful assignments in school where you had to compare and contrast foreign policies or presidential records or some other nonsense that no one ever had to know about once you left your alma mater?

Well, the good news is, you don't have to do that here! The better news is, comparing and contrasting Mary to the other Crown Princesses is ridiculously easy, just like Mary was once she saw the Black Amex.

I'm restricting this to the current crop of Crown Princesses, commoners who have married heirs to thrones, and to those who are in Mary's age range. And I am not using proper titles but come on, this is NOT a test!


Mathilde of Belgium - Let's just call her St. Mathilde and be done with it. Mathilde has a sweetness that almost makes you blind to the horrific outfits she sometimes wears. Almost. She tends to like loud prints sometimes but she has managed something truly important - to make her husband, previously seen as a dull bore, seem more human and warm. She keeps giving birth to sweet-looking children who seem happy in their environment, with their parents and with one another.


Maxima of the Netherlands - Another one who injected life into her husband. He's still a bit of a prick, mouthing off at the press, but Maxima's contributions to the Dutch royal house is undeniable. She has an excellent relationship with her mother-in-law and with her sister-in-law Laurentien. Her fashion sense is rather out there but she has the personality to carry off most things she wears. She is warm, enthusiastic, and has embraced her new country, speaking in good Dutch at her engagement interview and mastering the language enough to be comfortable speaking of complicated subjects. Her focus on microcredit is reinforced by her background in finance, this is no Princess shooting in the dark to make herself have substance, she knows what she's talking about.


Mette-Marit of Norway - The most unlikely of Princesses and the one who has been blamed for "lowering the bar" of royal marriages. A former drug-addict with an out-of-wedlock son, Mette-Marit has chosen to be the support behind her prince and usually slumps in the background, but she has focused on lending her support to the AIDS cause. Her fashion sense is usually mediocre, and she has not bothered to lose the weight of her last two pregnancies. She seems to revel in her husband (who wouldn't?) and children.


Letizia of Spain - The former newsreader is, like Mary, a mother of two children and married in May of 2004. Letizia rose to the top of her profession and was an accomplished career woman before marrying Felipe, and although she has been kept in the back burner for a while, she has started carrying on official duties with warmth and compassion. She hasn't yet found her style, looking at times extremely matronly and seems to be addicted to black tights.

And last, but not least, given she is the reason for this blog --


Mary of Denmark - Mary lacks the kindness that oozes out of Mathilde, the personality and vibrancy in Maxima, the humility in Mette-Marit, and the smarts in Letizia. Her only focus seems to be fashion, which fares poorly compared to microcredit or AIDS, and she lacks even the pretense of warmth, even around her husband and children. She has a cold relationship with her in-laws and even within her own birth family has been getting the evil eye, her own brother wondered aloud where she had gotten that new posh-British accent she affects lately when speaking in English. She has not mastered Danish, no matter what the sugarboarders may say, and has succeeded in plunging her husband into lower depths of despair and depression - instead of making him a better man, she has made him even more insecure and he looks forward to the days he gets to go sailing or otherwise gets to spend away from Mary. Her children are awkward creatures who sense how little they matter to their mother - they know that she gets far more excited with a new Chanel bag than with their accomplishments. She is a failure on every front and the complete lack of substance is evident every time she steps out for an engagement or opens her mouth.


In this election year, I wish I could vote for Mary to be sent back to Australia. That's what they used to do with consorts that didn't measure up, sent them back to their country of birth. Since Mary has failed to modernize the monarchy as she preached in one of her stupid interviews, I suggest Queen Margrethe uses the opportunity to do as her ancestors did and get rid of this useless woman. Set her up in a nice house in Oz where she can be the celebrity she's always wanted to be, give her a clothing allowance and chances to visit her children, and be done with her.

It is what is best for the DRF, for Crown Prince Frederik, and for those two (three?) children.

And yes, for all of you wondering, I have it from an inside source that Mary did have a nose job.