Merry Fucking Christmas!

Ok, what the fuck is up with the Christmas cards from Mary & co.? This latest one is baffling in its complete un-holiday-ness. Let's have a little looky-look through the Christmas cards of this ship of fools, shall we?

2004
Oh, 2004, back when Frederik hadn't yet discovered what a piece of work his wife was. The year of the wedding. The year of romance. The year of going around Denmark and lots of public kissy-poo. And what do we get from this pair of freaks?

Mary wearing the most unflattering leggings known to womankind - yeah, I know it's the national costume of the Faroes, or wherever the fuck people willingly dress like that. Anyway, Mary is more of the ole testosterone turf anyways so she doesn't have to worry about wide hips. Then we have The Tearful One wearing a bunch of medals he hasn't actually earned. At least he has an arm around the old ball and chain which believe you me, could be a collector's item because he doesn't touch her much these days.

2005
Mary has birthed the heir. To the heir. She has dug her nails into Frederik's hand as she counts to ten and pushes while two nurses who could be swimmers for the East German team hold those massive legs apart on the stirrups. She deserves to be center stage.

This is probably the nicest Christmas card this pair of assholes has managed to put together. There's Mary, with foundation extending about 7 1/2 inches above her epidermis, and wearing a jacket she didn't even know existed back in her lycra Oza days. Frederik looks reasonably sober and Ziggy the cat seems happy. Christian has the same expression he has now. Still, the grouping is harmonious and it is a nice card overall.

2006
Mary is pregnant with IsNOTabella, but they choose a photo from earlier that year, when Christian turned 1.

Mary looks skinny, which is why this photo was chosen, Frederik looks mildly interested, and Christian looks like he's about to do a Humpty Dumpty. Considering this photo is part of a series that was released a couple of months before, it is a disappointment in the fact that 1) it's old, and 2) it's not holiday-ish at all.
But nothing could prepare us, not even the die-hard fangirls, for the atrocity that is the card from . . .

2007
IsNOTabella has been hidden away for a couple of months in hopes of improving her Frederik-in-drag looks. Christian has been paraded before fresh kill in hopes of "stiffening his resolve" and since it worked, Steen replaces the little stuffed animal photographers usually wave at bored children, and waves a bit of bloody carcass instead.

It works!!!


With the depressing background of a construction-in-progress, here we have the 2007 Christmas Card from The Poser, The Drunk, The Clueless, and IsNOTabella. Mary is posing as much as she can without moving a facial muscle. Frederik is actually smiling, which is rare around Mary these days, Christian can't wait to get his hands on that bloody bit Steen's holding, and IsNOTabella is covered up as much as possible.

Either Marge's cut down poor Steen's budget after all the useless photoshoots he's already done of Mary, or 2008 is going to be a V. Interesting Year.